By Abraham Assi, Senior Cybersecurity Consultant
Imposter Syndrome is defined as an internal experience of believing that you’re not as competent as others might perceive you to be. Some lesser-known side-effects are aggressively pursuing career growth without acknowledging recognition or success when it is achieved leading to burnout, decreased job satisfaction, fear of failure or success, and low self-esteem. Confidence in your competencies is critical when joining a large company, as it can come with a lot of perceived expectations. Expectations to be knowledgeable of every system, how to conduct yourself in every meeting, knowing your 10-year plan. It’s suffocating. No one wants to feel like they are the weakest rung on the corporate ladder. Today, I am proud to say with perseverance and dedication, I worked my way to my current position in the cybersecurity group, but it wasn’t easy.
My experience with impostor syndrome came in 2015 when I joined Fidelity, as a customer service representative in Personal Investing. I was a first-generation student and professional. Fresh out of college, I was doing my best adult impression everyday while trying to navigate this new world. Suddenly, I was faced with key performance indicators (KPI), metrics, brand building and career conversations. I vividly remember the day I failed the licensing exam required for what was supposed to be my career, my first step, my success. I was devastated.
Feelings of inadequacy in the workplace are often a result of our personalities and the cultures with which we choose to identify. Having been raised by a single mother of Arab-Palestinian descent, it was ingrained in me at a very young age that the success of the family depended heavily on my ability to excel in all aspects of my life and that failure meant letting everyone down. Expectations to get perfect grades, acting as a translator for my mother, hoping not to be perceived as a foreigner to my friends, and trying to find time to be a kid can have profound effects on a person.
So- what do you do when you find yourself facing failure for the first time? I began to overcompensate. I spent 2.5 years trying to prove I wasn’t a failure. I forced myself to surpass others in everything I did, was overcome with the need to be liked by everyone, and more importantly I needed others to think of me as a resource and not a burden. On the outside looking in I was just grinding, but internally I was struggling to believe I was enough.
My journey with impostor syndrome is ongoing, it comes and goes as I continue to grow. Over the years, I’ve made the conscious decision to reframe my self-perception and have learned how to be proud of both my successes and mistakes. After failing the licensing exam, I decided to make a lateral move into a customer service role in Fidelity Institutional, which didn’t require a license, to start fresh and embrace the unknown instead of dismissing my feelings. I established an honest relationship with my manager about my capabilities and interests along with specific bodies of work I was unfamiliar or uninterested in. Without being afraid of letting anyone down, I started making decisions that finally made me happy.
I attribute my growth to my abilities and not luck. Your success is not a result of luck or divine intervention, it’s a result of your tremendous effort. Your ineptitude is not something you are hiding right now; you were hired for your job because you are capable and possess skill. I want you to know that you are not defined by your past or your present, you are who you want to be in the future.
